One Year Without Alcohol
If you’d have told me two years ago I’d go a whole year without drinking I’d have thought you were crazy. I used to pride myself in being able to outdrink almost anyone, I had a wild phase in college and once I was out of college I was only slowed down by gut issues. But alas, here I am over a year without a drink and honestly I’m not sure when I will drink again- I’m just as surprised by it as you are.
To tell the truth, I did this on a whim, I had digestive issues that didn’t seem to be getting better and I knew alcohol certainly wasn’t helping. So I stopped drinking entirely, prior to that I was only drinking socially every once in a while so cutting it out altogether didn’t feel that different. But what did feel different was the social pressure. Before I was just that girl who “didn’t feel like drinking” now I was that girl who “doesn’t drink” and if you don’t know the difference between the two let me break it down for you. When you are just someone who doesn’t feel like drinking today, people won’t pressure you as much, they’ll assume you don’t feel well or that you have some other explanation that they don’t want to pry about. When you are someone who doesn’t drink, it brings lots of questions, mostly you’ll hear “At all?” or “Seriously?” or “Come on what is one drink?” Not drinking at all brings quizzical looks and judgement. Even some of those close to me have called me boring or said they miss the “old Courtney”. Yeah it hurts to hear but the truth is that those statements reflect a lot more about the person talking than they do about me.
This past year has taught me more about growth and loneliness than I could have ever imagined. It has taught me so much about myself and even more about the projection of insecurities by others. If you’d have told me about the loneliness or the relationships lost prior to this I’m not sure I would have taken on this journey in the first place. Once I got further into this personal experiment people started inviting me out less. I would still go out from time to time but people got tired of hearing no 70% of the time so they stopped asking. This was not as liberating as you’d imagine, yes I loved not being out late and surrounded by drunk people at a bar, but I also missed my friends. I learned that people who want to see you will, if someone wants to see you even if they know you don’t drink they’ll either invite you out anyway or invite you to things that interest you. This took me the longest time to grasp, I kept trying to go to events that the old me would’ve liked but that only left me feeling more alone than ever. I was surrounded by people I used to have fun with, doing things that I used to have fun doing, but feeling lost and alone because I wasn’t having fun. People will comment on my growth and the path that I’ve taken but it’s so important for me to remember that it has nothing to do with me, when people see others doing something different than them it makes them insecure and they’ll project those insecurities onto whoever is nearest to them.
Drinking was a crutch for me as it is for most people. I used it to loosen up, to feel more social, and to be more confident. I knew in order to grow as a person I had to find myself without drinking and figure out how to be my own individual. I can’t say it was easy as isolating as it was but I totally think it was worth it. After some time, you lose the desire altogether. I have grown my social skills so that I am confident enough in them and don’t need alcohol to bring them out. In addition I have worked on my confidence so that I feel as though I am enough without alcohol in my system.
In the past year I may have lost friends but I have grown closer to those that are still in my life. I have found more hobbies, and found so many other things that are more fun to me than going out for a drink. Has anyone ever heard of game nights or staying in to watch a movie??? Yes sometimes I wish I still had the desire to go out the way I used to but that is just nostalgia speaking. Truth be told I don’t miss the hangovers, feeling awful the next day, or even entire days wasted because your head is throbbing so you can’t get out of bed. I am more productive, have changed my idea of fun, and am honestly happier and more confident in my skin than I have been in a while.
The advice I would give to anyone considering quitting drinking is just to do it, you are not alone, there are so many more people like you out there than you think and they’ll come out of the woodwork once you’re vocal about your priorities. You can find friends who don’t want to get drunk all the time and those that value you and want to spend time with you regardless of what you’re doing. Your circle of friends may decrease in number but the value of each person will increase and that I promise you. You are not “boring” you didn’t “used to be more fun” and you certainly don’t deserve friends that will say that to you. People will judge your decisions because they are insecure about theirs and they will project those insecurities onto you.
There was a time when giving up drinking for a year sounded nearly impossible. But drinking just does not serve me or my health goals right now. I don’t think that I’ll give up drinking forever but I am just doing what feels right and I’m happy where I am at for now.